I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
