38 yer olds are good kisserssss
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
