his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
