Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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