It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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