Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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