how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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