Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
