I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you had me at cake vodka
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
