I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
