So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
