It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
