yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
