I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
