he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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