everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
