you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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