You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
