Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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