it was like his penis was on wheels.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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