idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
