My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
