god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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