The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
should my penis look like a turkey
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
