You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
you're hired as official boob wrangler
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
