Hey man sorry I got all grabby
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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