the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
