You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
