like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
