There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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