dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
