'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
