operation harelip BJ is a go
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
