Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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