Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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