We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
