Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
