I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
this beer tastes like vomit already
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
