But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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