Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
