watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
