I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
