Please, let me fuck your mom
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
