I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
