i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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