so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
