I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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