Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
