chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
