Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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