yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Your dad touched me again.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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