i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I understand Curling. That high.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
