that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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