My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
