I looked at my own cervix.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
