Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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