so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
